like a fire

I haven’t posted in a while and basically I can’t apologize. I don’t even wish that I were sorry that I haven’t taken the time to write. Life has just been too overwhelming for me to have wished for documentation of it.

The Basics:
I still have no job
I still haven’t been to church here
I am still wondering if I should even be in ministry any more

I am still asking God a lot of questions.

Instead of answering my questions, I think God has chosen to ask some of his own. Maybe its being around Alabama and so many fields, but I am seeing my heart being renewed through that metaphor. God is tilling the ground of my heart. I realize this is a wasted image for many of you, but I will try to explain.

Tilling is the process of breaking up the ground and turning it over and over until it is all mixed up. This has many benefits to the soil and the plants growing in it. Tilling aerates the ground and gives it new life. It works organic matter into to the soil for better decomposition. It interrupts disease and pests by burying them or exposing them. The best time for tilling is in the fall, because it takes advantage of a whole season to prepare the ground for planting.

People have used shovels and hoes to till the ground in the past, but now most people use a tiller. That is a machine that has many blades on it that rotate. To till the ground, you stick the blades into the ground and watch them break the ground and loosen the soil until it is a nice powdery consistency that you would be able to ski on.

Does that sound like something you would like to do to your heart? Me either. But it is needed especially in context of growth. I have been tilling, or I should say that God has been tilling, for over six months now. That means I probably have a lot of bad soil, or it could mean that it just takes longer to till the heart than the ground. Either way, it is a painful process that brings things up that I wished would stay buried. It buries things that I like on the surface. It breathes new air into my heart and allows some old things to decompose.

So the nitty gritty is that my heart is on fire and is being worked over. Though it is a painful process, I expect to see a lot of new growth on the next season.

Cathy posted about one of our experiences in Alabama this week. It was funny and witty but fraudulent with mis-information. I would like to clarify things just for the sake of manly dignity.

1. I named Jorge, not Johnny
2. I have seen Jorge in his many guises all throughout the week, and he never bothered me.
3. This morning as Cathy was telling me to go read her blog post, Jorge flaunted his presence.
4. Cathy looked at me to save her from Jorge when he flaunted said presence.
5. I squashed Jorge (or his brother, I can’t tell them apart) with a paper towel and my hand.
6. I then proclaimed that I was the man of the house and let out a barbaric roar.
7. I then bragged about how I would have just picked Jorge up without squishing him and eaten him for breakfast if Cathy wasn’t there to offend her sensibilities.
8. I sat down at once and blogged the corrections to the story.

Just so you all know, I am the man in the house.

Yeah I ripped the title from a book I once read about prayer. So things here have been very busy and I haven’t blogged in a while. Basically, Cathy and I are pretending to be different people. I am pretending to be a stay at home dad (SAHD). Cathy would not call that “sad”. I am also pretending to be a web developer, marketing guru and music sales rep. Cathy is trying on the new hat of artist in residence.

Cathy has always been an artist in my mind. When we first met, she could do more with the piano than many of the piano majors I hung out with. Later I saw it in her poetry and still later it showed up in just everything that she does. Now it is coming out through the medium of paper. Be sure to check out Cathy’s work. It is really great looking, very cool, and clever as well.