like a fire

Many of you may have heard me complain occasionally about living in Orlando. It’s hot, there aren’t any seasons, etc. Well, there are some things that I think are undeniable about Alabama that actually are benefits.

1. Bar-B-Q - Though it’s not my favorite food, Bar-B-Q in Alabama is just better than anything Orlando can give. Dreamland, Gibson’s, Demetri’s all are in a different league than Sonny’s or Bubbalous.

2. Seasons - Some people will argue with me about this, but Alabama actually does have four seasons. In Orlando, there are two: Hot and Mild. In Butler, PA (The center of the known universe) there are four: Winter, Almost Winter, Still Winter and Construction.

3. Cousins - This isn’t about kissing cousins. What I actually mean, is that everyone treats you like a cousin. I went to a store today and had a conversation with the cashier about her life and mine and how God has it all figured out and we don’t. It was like we were longlost cousins. This is very common in Alabama in very good and sometimes bad ways.

4.Mountains - This seems simple, but I like mountains. Not only are they beautiful to look at, they are very practical. It was very hard to navigate in Florida without any significant change in topography. Directions in Orlando sound more like, “go to the lake and make a right then turn left at the next palm tree.” In Birmingham, it goes more like this, “go across the mountain, turn left at the old oak tree and then right at Bubba’s.”

5. Diversity - This isn’t just a social, racial idea. It applies to all sorts of things. You can actually drive through a neighborhood without seeing two houses that look alike, much less right next to each other. It seems that there is more freedom of expression in many areas.

6. Hot Beverages - Some of my best beverages happen to be served hot. If you are hot natured like me and happen to live in a milder climate, then you can actually drink them without breaking into a sweat. This is true for certain foods as well. For some reason, I just can’t eat certain rich foods if I am hot. Chili is a good example, but there are many others too.

These are some of my reasons I love Alabama. Stand by for the things I don’t like so much in a future post.

So life in Alabama is somewhat different than in Orlando. How different? Cathy was setting up our utilities the other day. (Insert Southern drawl) It was REAL fancy and modern because it had an automated menu for assistance. Not much different until number four. It says, “Press four if you would like to report a missing, stolen, or dead animal.” That’s right. If you are missing an animal (might be a cow or dog), press four. If you have stolen and animal (might be a cat or a pig), press four. If you have a dead animal (might be a parakeet or a chicken), press four. For all other utility needs, press other numbers.

Welcome back home to Alabama THE beautiful.

This week has been one of the busiest weeks I have ever had. We are moving back to Birmingham, Alabama on Friday and there has been too much to do. For all of you here, I am sorry if I didn’t get to see you before I leave. I will be emailing my new contact info soon.

Right now, I feel a lot like Abraham when God told him to go to the land I will show you. To recap, I was asked to resign UPC back in November, I have been searching for another call, but haven’t found the place yet, our money has run out living here in Orlando, so we are moving to Birmingham where Cathy can practice pharmacy until I get a job that can sustain us. It has been a very stressful time.

It has also been one of the most productive times. Both Cathy and I have been more creative than we have probably ever been. Cathy (she is amazing) has completely astounded me with really cool cards and home decor ideas. I have been thinking of things I could do until I find a call, most of which involve marketing. We could easily start three or four businesses right now that would probably do very well. That is, if we had the capital to live free of cost for about a year. That really has me thinking about my future in the church. I am wondering if I might be just as effective working a secular job and just being a layman. If so, I am wondering what that job might look like.

Then there is the call. I am really tired of moving my family all over the country chasing a church that sees ministry the way I do. Basically one that sees youth ministry as a place of discipleship instead of a playground. I haven’t really found that fit yet, though UPC was the closest I have seen. Yet, if that’s my call, it doesn’t really matter if I’m tired of doing it. So I wait and listen. So far, It’s God’s big secret. I look forward to knowing one day.

I don’t remember where I got this, but it is priceless.

Tools of the Trade- A professional’s description

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive car parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.

MECHANIC’S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; it works particularly well on boxes containing convertible tops or tonneau covers.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against the Rolling Stones poster over the bench grinder.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, “Django Reinhardt.”

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a Mustang to the ground after you have installed a set of Ford motorsports lowered road springs, trapping the jack handle firmly under the front air dam.

EIGHT FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering a car upward off a hydraulic jack.

TWEEZERS: A tool used for removing wood splinters.

PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor Chris to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack.

SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise, used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot.

E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than any known drill bit.

TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease buildup on crankshaft pulleys.

TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensile strength of ground straps and hydraulic clutch lines you may have forgotten to disconnect.
CRAFTSMAN 1/2 X 16″ SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying tool that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end without the handle.

BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool for transferring sulfuric acid from a car battery to the inside of your toolbox after determining that your battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought.

AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.

TROUBLE LIGHT: The mechanic’s own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of Vitamin D, “the sunshine vitamin,” which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. It also creates scar tissue on the user’s forehead. More often dark then light, its name is somewhat misleading.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt, it can also be used, as the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads.

AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty suspension bolts last tightened 40 years ago by someone in Abingdon, Oxfordshire, and rounds them off.

So Apple did it. They cut out the middle man of cable/satellite and provided an option for us to watch TV without paying growing fees for local programming. I think this is going to be very big for Apple.

Most of the people I know don’t watch live TV.
Either they record it and watch it later or they buy/rent DVD versions after the fact. Consumers are just too picky. Who wants to be held captive by the writers and producers for months while they come out with the resolution to the last part of the series (Er… Ahem… Lost)? Who wants to sit through commercials? Seriously, I could have watched House last night, but I didn’t want to  have to wait for commercials.

Cable costs too much.
Basically, for the price of 5 months service (or less) you can have a set top box that let’s you own a copy of your content. And for $1.99, you will still probably come out better unless you watch a lot of TV.

So will I get it?
I haven’t decided yet. I still have some research to do. Plus I am wondering how soon Apple DRM will be cracked so that you can watch torrent movies with ATV. But chances are I will get it before long.