like a fire

Last night Cathy and I watched Shopgirl - a movie about a lonely girl who works at Saks and meets two men. One is a crude, clumsy young guy who fumbles everything on their first date. The other is an older man who is very smooth and polished who plays his interest well. I really liked this movie, especially the soundtrack. SPOILER ALERT: The girl learns what love is and that she prefers honest love that isn’t so polished. She decides that she is worth being loved and doesn’t want to settle for less in love. One great line when she decides that the older man doesn’t really love her is, “So I can hurt now, or later.” She decides now.

I have been deciding that too for a while now. I have decided this in my relationships for a while, but I am deciding it in my life as well. My heart hurts from my past injuries in life and often I don’t want to acknowledge that hurt. In fact, I have made some pretty sophisticated means to avoid that hurt. But avoiding hurt is just lonely, and it is worse than that. Avoiding hurt keeps me from moving ahead to the things that will heal those wounds and help me live the life I am created for. (Vague but meaningful and as much as I can say)

I know that this is especially touchy, feely for me, but I am learning to like that about me. Here’s to a life of feeling.