like a fire

Warning! This is a very touchy, feely view of discipleship. The emotionally queasy should just move along.

So which were you created for? (Not the first time I am being asked this) As my counselor holds out two cups, he asks this question. There are two kinds of relationship. He holds the two cups together, this is one. He holds the two cups apart, this is another. Again he asks, “So which were you created for?” I know that it is a trick question. I dissimilate. The two cups apart could be peacemaking and God calls us to be peacemakers. I tell him so. He holds the cups apart and says, “You think this is peacemaking?” OK, maybe it’s not a trick question. Before I get too far down the road of trying to figure out the obvious, he bangs the two cups together… repeatedly. “What is this?” he asks. Crap, now I’m in deeper and so goes my counseling.

God created us for relationships. It really is not good for man to be alone. He created us in his image and told us to multiply and subdue the earth. Later he told us to go to the whole earth and makes disciples of all nations. It seems pretty clear that God thinks discipleship is important. I asked a group of people if they thought it was important and got a resounding yes. Then I asked how many of them had disciples and got a resounding silence.

If discipleship is so important, then why aren’t we doing it more and better?

I cringe at the very thought of calling someone my disciple. It just doesn’t seem right that someone would go through discipline to become like me. I know what I am and what I am like. It just doesn’t seem right that others would want to emulate me.

At this point I realize that I have no internal value.

It’s true and not in an ultra spiritual way. I can have self-contempt at any time I need to devalue myself because others find value in me. If I get a good job, I immediately think that I have fooled the people who hired me. They couldn’t possibly think I am as good as the job. If I get a not so good job, I can immediately think the people who hired me don’t understand what a valuable commodity I am. I play this internal tape in my head to offset the scenarios I find myself in. I do it because I have no internal value.

I’m not alone, though.

Most people do the same thing as I do. They do it through what they wear, what they drive, how much they exercise or eat, and so many other ways they can’t be counted. Left alone, we can justify the world’s reactions to us in many ways. All because we can’t look at ourselves and see value.

Yet God created us in his image. He chose us to be the way he shows himself to others. We are his ambassadors, his symbol of dominion, his incarnation, and so many other things that are too numerous to tell. It is no wonder Jesus said apart from him we can do nothing. We have nothing to bless ourselves with. Yet with something inside us telling us our value, we can bless others.

This is something closer to discipleship, at least.

A very wise man said recently, “I know discipleship is more than love - but, I think, not much more.”